There's knowing of someone and knowing someone.

A few years ago I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class and it changed my life. Since then I have paid off my credit cards, student loan, bought a car with cash, replaced my hot water  heater, air conditioner & blower, gone on a few major vacations and I'm debt free! Its awesome! I had lived for years just a bit in the red. Now I teach his Foundations in Personal Finance to my high school kids. They don't love it because its more math but I keep telling them I'm changing their lives.

Now I could read all of Dave's books, listen to his radio show and teach his program for years and I can know all about Dave and his financial principals but I don't KNOW Dave. We aren't friends. If I need advice I can't call him on the phone to ask him for help. He isn't training how to make good financial decisions. Someday some situation might come up that Dave's rules don't really cover. I'm not growing into a financial wizard. I have some good knowledge but there are things Dave gets that I don't.

Similarly I can love a famous person, I'll pick Hugh Jackman- because I think he's amazing. I can read every article written, watch every interview, read biographies, follow him on Fb and twitter. I can know every publicly made fact but I don't KNOW Hugh. I've never met him. He doesn't know my name. He won't show up to help me move. I know OF him but I don't know him.

So how is this like God?

God wants us to be in RELATIONSHIP with Him. I can read the bible, go to church, listen to podcasts and know all ABOUT God but if I don't let The Spirit in, get to know God relation-ally, its going to fall apart. God wants us to talk TO him, not just ABOUT him. He wants us to let him guide our future, not just ask Him if the plan we've made is ok with Him.

There's a reason He doesn't give us a road map, show us his long term plan. If we knew the way we wouldn't need to talk to Him. If I knew the long term plans he has for me I wouldn't need God. He made us to be in community with Him.

If we know about God we can do a lot of good. We can learn what he wants from us and we can act "correctly." I can make a great impression of a Godly person without ever talking to God. The Bible leaves a good description of what it looks like to be a "good christian." But being a "good christian" isn't what God wants from us. Just like a parent doesn't just want "good kids." We want our kids to sit in our lap so we can read them a story. We want to teach them, guide them, love them. I don't just want robot children who say "yes Mommy" and always behave well but don't love me. I want to love them and I want them to love me.

God doesn't just want us to ACT like we love Him, he wants us to love him. He wants us to trust him. He wants to guide us but in order for that to happen we have to learn how to talk to Him and listen for Him.

I recently watched a podcast where a woman told a story about watching a shepherd with his sheep walking through the desert. The sheep all walk in a straight line while the shepherd zig zags through them knocking rocks aside. The woman asks someone what he's doing. The person explained that grass doesn't grow well in the desert, it grows under rocks. The shepherd goes along knocking rocks aside to reveal small amounts of grass for the sheep to eat. When we read Psalm 23 we think of a lush field where we can eat all we want. but what if that's not what is meant? What if God leads us through the desert just giving us a mouthful of grass at a time to keep us close to Him?

It can be really frustrating when God doesn't give us the big picture, a set of rules to follow. But what if He does that so that we stay in relationship with Him? When we allow the Spirit to guide us we stay close to Him. Its scary. Its frustrating. It teaches us trust. Its exciting too. Its an adventure.

I have a neighbor who likes to bring me books. Now this neighbor and I are not good friends. We are the kind of people that wave to each other and maybe stop to have a five minute conversation. He's never been inside my house and I've never been in his. We don't really  have a relationship. I don't know where he's from, what he did for a living, if he has kids or what his hobbies are. I do know that we have polar opposite views politically. Sometimes he will bring me books. They are brand new and they are usually on his political view. From what I have read on the book jacket they spread fear about what (my) political party is going to do to end the world and freedom as we know it.

Now I hate politics anyway. I do my research at voting time and I vote the candidate I think will do the best job but I don't get really into it. I feel like most politicians are only after their own agenda anyway and don't really take into account the people they serve. But ultimately, I don't put my faith in politicians; I put my faith in God. God will control my future no matter what happens to this country of ours.

So I usually take the books, unread, to Half Price Books and sell them. This most recent time I tried to explain that I won't read this book. All I  had to do was look at who wrote it to know that I had no interest in reading it. He wouldn't take no for an answer, just kept saying "read it!" So I thanked him and he left.

I think to myself "why does this guy keep bringing these books? He doesn't know anything about me. I don't want to read his political garbage. I should take him a Bible and say 'Here, read this. It will show you how to live without fear of the current political regime.'" But then I started thinking which brings me to ...

How does this relate to God and the Kingdom?

When people try to evangelize by just handing out cards or books or stand on a street corner with a megaphone telling people they are going to Hell unless they repent, they are doing the same thing my neighbor is doing. They are trying to push their idea off on people who they don't know. I can't imagine this method works. In fact I often feel like this method probably repels more people than it attracts. They showed a picture in church one day of a guy with a megaphone at a college football game. He was trying to preach the gospel. There is this huge circle around him where no one is standing.

We aren't willing to think or believe something that is contrary to our own beliefs when someone is trying to blindly shove it on to us. I find personally that when people try to just shove their agenda down my throat that I dig my heals in and fight back.

That's why God comes to us where we are. He didn't shout out from a cloud "Repent and believe or go to Hell!" He comes to us each in the way that will make us want Him. For me He came through friends. He gave me a new set of friends who were seeking. I liked being with those people so I became a Seeker too.

It goes back, once again, to relationship. If we don't have a relationship with people they don't want to hear what you have to say. They aren't going to believe you. People need to see you doing it. They need to learn to trust you before they believe you. If we want our non-believing friends to come to know Christ we need to go and walk WITH them, not pull them or push them into it.

Think of a horse that is untamed. If you put  a halter on it and start jerking its going to buck and back away from you. But if you go into his pen daily and feed him and speak soothingly to him and pet him, he'll start to follow you around.

Just handing out a book isn't loving. If you know someone and you have a relationship with them and you say "I think you might be interested in this, I would love it if you would be willing to read it and then we can discuss it." is so much more inviting.

Its the old saying "you get more bees with honey." We need to be giving our non-Christian friends honey so they are attracted to us and THEN willing to see why we are different. Maybe then they will accept our invitation to church or to read biblical books. Maybe then they will be willing to give God a chance.

Its not about the Golden Ticket, its about love

Have you seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? Willy Wonka has this amazing chocolate factory and he is looking for a successor. So he sends out five golden tickets, ostensibly for a tour but Wonka is looking for someone to take over his business. People go crazy trying to get these Golden Tickets because NO ONE is allowed in the factory. Wealthy people buy their children hundreds of candy bars searching for the Golden Ticket. It works for four of them and then one poor kid, Charlie gets a chocolate bar for  his birthday and he gets a ticket. No one wants to befriend Wonka, they just want a look into the highly select club. Wonka then uses the tour to weed at the spoiled brats and find someone with a pure heart to succeed him.

Let me, seemingly, go off into a tangent here, I promise I'll bring it all back together later. I have been single for a LONG time. I'm a go getter. I'm one of those people that when I get a goal, I work toward it  until I get it. Most worldly things work out that way. You want to be a lawyer? You work hard, you get yourself through college, you take the right classes and you are most likely to get in. You want to buy a house? You save up, get pre-approved, find yourself a realtor and you get a house. But relationships don't work that way. I tried EVERYTHING to find "Mr. Right." I tried on-line dating, set ups, went out to bars, joined intramural teams, heck I even went to a specific grocery store that was known for being a place people found people. But it never worked. Because love isn't a worldly thing. You can't force someone to love you. You can force them to act like they love you with the right leverage but you can't actually make them care about you.

So how is this like God and how do these tie together?

I was reading the story of the rich young ruler. (Mark 10:17-22) You know, the guy that comes up to Jesus and says "Good Teacher, What must I do to inherent the eternal life?" Jesus asks the man if he has followed the commandments and the man says yes. Then "Jesus looked at  him and loved  him. 'One thing you lack.... Go, sell everything you have and give it to the poor, and you will  have treasure in heaven."' The man goes away sad because he is wealthy and is  unwilling to give it all up.

First of all, quickly. I LOVE that Jesus first LOVED him and then threw down the gauntlet. Jesus didn't make this guy prove himself before he was loved. That is my favorite thing about Jesus.  He loves us before we make ourselves good.

On to the point though. The man asks how to inherent eternal life. He wants the Golden Ticket into heaven. This guy is a go-getter. He's a doer. He's one of those guys that sets out to accomplish a goal, breaks it down into measurable steps and then works at it until he gets it. But the problem is, Heaven doesn't work like that. Its not an earthly thing to be bought or earned. We get it through love and grace. The rich ruler doesn't understand how to get something without working for it. If he is wealthy, he has worked his whole life to get what he wants. For him its a tried and true method of attaining things. But Heaven isn't a THING. Heaven is being close to God because wherever He is- there Heaven is.

The problem is, he's asking the wrong question. He's acting like the brothers in the story of two sons (people call it the Prodigal Son story.-Luke 15) Remember? The younger son demands his inheritance, squanders it and then comes back asking for forgiveness. The father runs out to the son rejoicing that he is home. The older brother is mad because he has worked and never left and he feels cheated. In this story, neither son wants the father's love. They just want his money and land. They don't love their Dad, they just want his wealth. They just want the Golden Ticket. The father tries to explain that so long as they are together, in relationship, that's what counts.

This rich young ruler should have asked "Jesus, how can I be one of your disciples? How can I be in relationship with you?" THAT'S the question we need to all be asking. That's what God wants. Look at Creation. If God just wanted carbon creatures to follow rules so he could let them into heaven he would have created Stepford Wives. (see my earlier post if this doesn't make sense). He would have created robots who will go through the motions of acting loving and then let them into Heaven. But that isn't what He wanted. He created us to be in relationship with him! He created us so we could choose to love him. Not just obediently follow his rules. He isn't a tyrant who only wants obedience. He is love. He wants our love and He wants to give us His love.

We need to make sure we're asking the right question. Are we asking God "Am I doing enough to get into Heaven?" or are we asking "How can I get closer to you?"

The making of beloved companion

I love dogs. The words dog-person apply to me. I used to have a dog named Mister and he was a really great companion. When I came home he was SO HAPPY to see me! He didn't want to go out or eat until we had time to greet each other. No matter what happened between us he still loved me absolutely. There is no doubt if the need ever arose he would have protected me without prejudice. He had to sleep right beside me. He was a great listener.

No matter how awesome and unconditional a dog's love is for his owner it can't compare to the love of a human. Humans can empathize, love, give support, pray over you. They have a whole world of other people to choose to love so when they love you its a precious thing. You know it was a CHOICE. Sometimes we don't understand why we love someone we just know that feeling is there.

What makes a human's love so much better than a pets? Its the risk. Its knowing that a person looked at you and CHOSE to love you. This Christmas I was sitting by my niece at dinner when she hugged my arm and said "I love you!" It melted my heart. It was the coolest feeling ever. No one made her say it. It was a spontaneous thing, like she was just overcome and had to get it our. I knew it was genuine. She knows other people and yet she chooses to love me.

Think about the movie Stepford Wives. The husbands have their wives' brains removed and turned into perfectly compliant wives. The new wives look perfect, always have dinner hot and ready, are ready and willing to hop into bed whenever the husbands want. But is that love? The wives can't chose to love their husbands anymore. The husbands never have to risk losing their wives. I would never want a husband that is forced to do my will without the option to choose to love me. I don't want a shotgun husband. If love isn't chosen then what worth does it have?

What does this have to do with God?
This is why we were made! God made us to have a community of people to love. Its the reason He put the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden. He didn't put it there to try to trick us. The really great thing that God gave us, the thing that separates us from the animals, is the ability to make decisions, to choose. What good is the  ability to choose to love someone if you don't give them an opportunity to say no?

If I have a teenager and I tell them that I trust them but I never let them out of my sight I'm not really giving them an opportunity to be trustworthy. I need to let them leave so they can choose to come home safely.
God could have made us like a dog. He could have given us the capacity to show love but only given us the option to hang out with him getting food and a place to sleep. He could have programed us to love just Him and never given us a different choice. But is that really love?

Love means giving worth to another, possibly at your own expense. God, giving us the opportunity to walk away from Him, made a huge sacrifice. If you knew your child would grow up and betray you would you still have children? He knew we would betray Him. He knew He would have to send Jesus down to get the crap beaten out of him and yet he still made us! He knew we would break His heart and yet He still made us. He knew we would choose to side with the enemy and yet He still gave us choice.

That's how much he loves us and wants to be with us! He was willing to endure all that heartache so He can be with us now and forever in Super Heaven. If he had just wanted a sounding board, someone to sit with at dinner he could have made us just another talking animal or a robot. We could have demonstrated loving behaviors but it wouldn't be LOVE. Real love is chosen.

A great and terrible divorce.

A friend of mine was telling me about his divorce recently. Its a common and sad story. His ex wife has some mental health issues which make her aggressive, unable to cope with conflict and unable to be truthful or reasonable. As often  happens the judge gave custody to her. She does not honor the custody agreement. She refuses to allow him to see his children. What's worse she fills the children with lies about their Dad. She tells them that he doesn't love them, that he makes life harder for them. Now I know the Dad and unless he is a real Jekyl and Hyde I can't believe the lies about this guy. I don't understand how the kids can believe these lies. How does someone live with someone their whole life and not know their true character?

How is this like God?
Its the Fall all over again! We were in this great parent- kid like relationship. Our Abba came every day to hang out with us, to play with us. Then the enemy - who I'm going to call the evil step-mother- came along and told us that our Abba didn't love us as much as we thought, that He had lied to us and we believed it. Then there was a great and terrible divorce. The evil step-mother got the house (earth) and the kids (us). We can call Abba and talk to Him. But our evil step-mother keeps telling us lies about our Abba. She tells us that He doesn't care about us, that He is the cause of the bad things that happen to us.

Phrases like "God only gives us what we can handle" imply that our Abba is the one that brought the bad event on, like He is testing us. Here's one I battle with constantly "He'll only love you if you're good. He'll be disappointed with you if you don't perform well." She is implying that His love is conditional on me behaving to a certain standard. That's a lie! He loves us unconditionally like any good parent. Then when something bad happens I assume its a punishment He sent down to me because I wasn't "good enough." (Yeah, I grew up Catholic, can you tell?) But the truth is I live in a broken world, that my evil step-mother has allowed to become a wreck. If something bad happens to me its because of the chaos she has created or my own actions.

Sometimes our Abba talks to us, but because he is far away His voice isn't very loud. So what does our evil step-mother do? She cranks up the volume on the tv so we can't hear. She keeps us so busy that we can't call Him at night. When we do hear from Him she twists the words to make it seem like He doesn't care. She really is quite a bitch.

So how do we combat our evil step-mother?
This is why its SO IMPORTANT for me to learn, remind myself, remember who my Abba REALLY is! Lets look at the facts. He created a beautiful and perfect world for me to live in. He sent my big brother, Jesus, down to die so that I can go back home. When I take the time to be in relationship with Him I can start to see the truth, to see past her lies. I have to use my head though. Its a constant battle.

Here's another analogy.
I teach middle and high school kids. I am amazed at how quickly they are willing to throw their friends under the bus. They hear a rumor and they immediately believe it instead of tracking down the source or thinking about the true character of who that person is. They hear that their best friend told a lie about them and they are ready to throw down instead of going to their trusted friend and saying "hey, I heard this and I wanted to know if its true." We do the same thing with God. We hear a rumor or a twisted truth and we just believe it without testing to see if its valid. We don't look at what we know about God, we just react emotionally.

The good news is that someday I'll get to go live with my Abba and I won't have to live with the evil step-mother anymore. I don't know when that day is. Her objective is to make me hate and distrust Him so much that when that time comes I don't want to go. But I'm tired of living in her tyrannical world. She keeps me in a house that is full of anxiety, distrust, anger, frustration and stress. Living with Abba is peaceful, quiet, joyful. In His house I know that I am enough, that I am loved no matter what. There are rules that create a serene environment. So I will just batten down the hatches and keep on keeping on here until that day. But I need to remember who my Dad is so that when the judge finally says I can choose where I want to live I make the right choice.

God is the best dance partner ever. Now if we can just be the best follower - oh how much better life can be!

I am a ballroom dancer. As a lady I am typically a follower. I've noticed there are a lot of similarities to following a guy in say a Waltz as there are to following God. On the dance floor the better I learn to follow and more I relax the better the dance. Spiritually, following Him better means I am getting closer to Him and then closer to what His plan for me is. (Which is WAY better than plans I make for myself)

Wait for the lead: I tend to rush and anticipate as a dancer. This becomes a problem because I move before I'm supposed to and that often spoils what the guy was going to do as I get myself out of position or momentum takes me in the wrong direction. But when I wait a few good things happen.
1. I have time to finish my move and really get to milk it for all its worth.
2. I leave myself in a position the guy wants me and then I am poised to go where he wants me to go next instead of spoiling his plan. Its really great to dance with someone who knows more than I do but if I anticipate what I think the guy is going to do and start a move I already know, I miss out on a new move that could have been really cool.
How is this like a relationship with God? When I wait for Him to tell me what He has planned I get the opportunity to live in the moment instead of trying to anticipate and guess what He wants from me in the future. If I spend all my time and energy trying to divine what He might want me to do next I don't enjoy the present and maybe He wants to bless me with joy right now. We can easily get caught up in planning the future and then miss out on the present.
I also keep myself in a position to do what He wants. If I go running off to do what I think He might want me to do I gyp myself out of cool experiences because I am in the middle of my own thing.

Stay connected: I've been dancing almost eleven years now. Somewhere near year three I learned how to dance with body contact. My hip/core stays attached to the guy. When we are connected I can feel what he is doing so much better. I get stepped on a lot less. We move as one. Not only can I feel the lead so much better but we move as one this way because there isn't a lag between his initiation and my reaction.
How is this like a relationship with God? The closer we connect ourselves to God the better we can hear and understand Him. When I stay connected to Him through reading, sermons, bible studies and prayer there is less guesswork between what He communicates and what I do. I trust what He is telling me because I can feel that its right. If I only check in sometimes I don't hear his leadings and miss my cues.

Pay attention to your partner: I LOVE dancing. My friends say I have a "dance face." I have been told its what joy looks like. I can easily get caught up in having fun and really feeling the music. The problem is sometimes I get so caught up in having fun and thinking about what I'm doing that I don't pay attention to my guy. When this happens I miss out on cues and leads though. Its pretty selfish actually. Its like I'm using the guy for leads but I'm not dancing WITH him, I'm dancing NEAR him.
How is this like a rerelationship with God? I can say I'm a Christian and do lovely "christian things." But if I'm just doing my own thing and not paying attention to God I'm being really selfish. Eventually its going to break down because I'm going to get caught up in doing good so I look good, not so He looks good.

 Dancing is better with a partner: I could get out there and bump and grind or break out The Sprinkler but dancing with a partner is SO MUCH BETTER! As a follower, I am not responsible to think of the moves. When I get to dance with someone better than me I get to learn new moves. He's responsible for timing, not running us into anyone and thinking of good moves. I can just trust him (hopefully). He has to be the creative one. Yet I still have some room for creativity too.
How is this like a relationship with God? Life is better with God. He is responsible to steer me where I should go. My view of life is pretty myopic while His is so vast. He can see what I can't which puts him in a better place to lead me. He is responsible to protect me. When things aren't going well I can ask him for help and wisdom. I'm not responsible to save the world. I could go it alone and not have to worry about anyone else. I tried living this way and it was so lonely and meaningless. I hated it.

He suggests, not forces. A good leader suggests where I should go and doesn't bully me into the move. I hate dancing with a guy who forces me to do something. It can be painful and awkward.
How is this like a relationship with God? God suggests where we should go but he doesn't force us. He doesn't want a bunch of Stepford Wives/ robots, he wants loving children. He offers us suggestions but doesn't MAKE us do His will. He wants us to have free will so we can choose to love Him. Who just wants a robot that is recorded to say "I love you. Yes, I will do whatever you want?" That's not love. He wants us to choose to follow Him out of love, not fear or force.